Ken Seifert
Last week one of my statements was that growing from childhood to adulthood was more difficult now than at any other point in my lifetime. I then followed that with our children deserve the best we can give them. Even before I had my weekly copy of the Townsman delivered, I received a telephone call from a reader responding to my article on youth services. We had a long conversation, and she told me the children in Andover do not need more, they have enough. I thanked the caller for her thoughts. When the paper arrived and I reread the article I could see why she stated her opinion. From her point of view it made sense. My position needed more focus and some observations. What follows should have been in the article last week.
Our children do not need more technology. We could use more computer-assisted instruction and a plan, but let's not buy more technology until we maximize what we have. Some don't need mom and dad sheltering them from all of the realities of life. Some children do not need to be making fashion statements and behaving like they are 25 when they are only 13. They do not have to have every item Madison Avenue says they should have and feel deprived because they don't. They do not have to have a car just because they turned 16.
It sounds like that's the problem, but it isn't. Sociologist Arlie Hochschild said in 1991, "For all the talk about the importance of children, the cultural climate has become less hospitable to parents who put children first. This is not because parents love children less, but because a job culture has expanded at the expense of the family culture."
Most parents want to spend more time with their children. It is very hard for them to fit the pieces together. That may be reality but where does that leave the child?
There are too many families who do not eat meals together. Some children do not see the mother or father from Monday to Friday. Some parents spend the entire weekend playing taxi cab all over the Merrimac Valley in the hopes their child will make it to the pros. Some families cannot count five weekends in an entire year when they stayed home as a family. Some grandparents have become those people who raised my mother and father to their grandchildren. You remember those "anyone over 30 doesn't know what he is talking about" days.
Can you imagine the child n Andover whose family is struggling just to make ends meet while the neighbors provide every gadget Toys R Us ever offered and spend their vacations traveling all over the world? How about the child who is given much in the way of things but has a feeling of emptiness? Self esteem for some children is a serious problem no matter how much or how little the bank account totals.
There are two dominant processes for youth in our town. Both are very worthwhile and we are successful at them. They are getting into college and excelling in athletics. What if you have additional or different interests? Where can you pursue them? There are hundreds of such options children would like to pursue and significant problems that need to be addressed.
Don't take my word for it. Talk to the clergy, social services, teachers and others who work with your children. We can provide more meaningful experiences - partnerships, connections, call them what you will - in the categories of talents, interests, problems and making our town better. We should share our thoughts and use the school facilities where appropriate. I love the line from the play Auntie Mame, "Life is a banquet and most people are starving to death." Next week I would like to share the concept of parents as educational coaches through the school years.
It is not necessary to worry about the issues and then conduct business as usual. This is a talent-laden, giving community. It's time for a broader dialogue and solutions.
Ken Seifert is a 40-year resident of Andover and former superintendent of the Andover schools.
