All that used to matter for Girl Scouts was the number of badges on their sashes and how many 50-cent boxes of cookies they sold. But that is so yesterday for today's Girl Scouts.
The sashes are now vests, cookies are up to $4 a box and Girl Scouts are tackling the serious issues facing all preteen girls. Tops on that list may be "drama online" where girls can be just plain mean to each other.
But like a tech-savvy parent who happens to see a "I so hate you" comment while a daughter is receiving instant messages from so-called friends, Girl Scout leaders are aware of the problem. To tackle the issue of cyber bullying, they went right to the top, calling in an expert.
Just back from eight days at the Oprah Winfrey-run leadership school for girls in South Africa, bestselling author Rachel Simmons met with area Girl Scouts, including girls from Andover, on Saturday morning, March 15. Before a packed house in the auditorium of Wynn Middle School in Tewksbury, Simmons talked about school-girl cruelty. The topic is addressed in her bestseller, Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls.
"Girls express themselves without talking," Simmons said. "Body language says it all."
Many mothers in the audience nodded in agreement as Simmons talked about eyerolling, folded arms, the silent treatment and other reactions that girls dramatically use to communicate. They bring those same attitudes to their online communications, she said. Simmons said girls often turn to online messaging with friends without thinking about the results.
"Avoid the drama online," she told the crowd. "If someone says something you don't like, don't have drama online about it...like, take a break and then deal with it face to face."
Simmons is fast-talking and, like, so in tune with her audience. Her comments included "whatever" and "OMG" (text talk for Oh my God!) frequently, and Simmons focused on how relationship bullying online truly hurts girls and affects their lives, especially their schoolwork. The online drama is usually not intended to hurt so much, but it can. It means girls' self-esteem plummets and, as a result, so can their grades.
"She is so right about everything she said," Monica Gibson, an 11-year-old Girl Scout from Andover in St. Augustine School's troop said after the lecture. "She relates to all that stuff and is very believable."
Monica attended with her mom, Lynn Gibson, who was willing to wait in a long booksigning line for Odd Girl Out because she believed the wait was worth it.
"I thought she was great and very in tune (with the online drama issue). I have three older boys and one daughter. It's very different with girls and she knows about it," Lynn Gibson said.
Cyber drama was so rampant among Monica and her friends that Lynn Gibson has pulled the plug on her daughter's IM-ing. Monica no longer has the service.
The decision to stop instant messaging doesn't seem to bother Monica too much.
"It's not so great," the Scout said of IM-ing.
Simmons, a Vassar College graduate and Rhodes Scholar who has been researching female aggression since 1997, encourages more telephone and face-to-face contact between young girlfriends.
"Girls type things they would never say. If you wouldn't say it, don't write it," Simmons said.
Landing Simmons and her "Thriving in a Mean Girl World" lecture was a major coup for the Girl Scouts of Eastern Massachusetts. Beverly McDonald, who grew up in Andover, is the director of communications and marketing for the North Andover-based Girl Scouts group. She said the organization hosts a big event during Girl Scout Week and it usually is centered around a contemporary topic. Past lectures have covered "Stressed Out Girls, Media Influence on Girls, Girls and Obesity" and "Raising Confident Girls."
"We are thrilled to have Rachel," McDonald said. "This is for the girls and talking about the challenging issues facing them today, like emotional bullying. Rachel is out there, and well known for her research and advocacy."
Unplugging drama online
Tips to help reign in the online "actresses":
r If you wouldn't say it, don't write it.
r Don't share your computer password. Instead, treat it like a credit card, which is something you never share.
r Use the telephone instead of the computer.
r Establish a NJZ (no joke zone) for yourself. Don't let friends enter with dumb jokes about you. Be firm.
r Don't be afraid to say you're sorry and mean it — sincerely.
r Stop using friendship as a weapon. That happens when you e-mail a friend to gossip about another friend who emails another friend and so on.
r Be true to yourself — always.
Source: Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
